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i was grateful to be outside today...to be in the sun. i was just grateful to be with people that i love and that love me. i thought about cancelling this cross country skiing jaunt and head out to my folks to be with them...be with my mom and cry with her. talk about haley but, i chose to keep my plans. i knew dave would take care of her....life. just. happens. bad things. good things. great things. tragic things....we have the choice to keep living or let it consume us. for me, death is not easy to deal with-especially if it happens in a tragic way...i know we all deal with things differently....
harley and i had a discussion this morning about not making assumptions about anything or anyone. it's still difficult at times but, i can honestly say that i have stopped doing this very thing. i don't know what peoples circumstances are. i can only control myself. i can only deal with things in the best way i know how, during that time with what i have and with nothing but the best intentions for everyone. this has been a hard lesson for me over the last few years. i used to have a really hard time not taking things personal or thinking that i always needed to make/keep people happy. it was exhausting. over the last few years i finally realized that's not my job. this is hard for me because i hate it when people around me are unhappy. i want to do anything to just make them be happy and have things be ok. it took me a long time to realize that people need to do this for themselves. it's not up to me to do it. i get to just be there for them.... ....................... in our family we truly believe we'll see all our loved ones again. i look forward to this day when the time is right :) |
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